I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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