those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
