Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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