i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
