K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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