I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
