He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
BRING THE BAGELS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
