Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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