Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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