If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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