he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
