I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
