Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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