did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
