fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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