Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
