Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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