I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
