I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
