I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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