I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize