why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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