True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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