woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
