On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
