I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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