tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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