went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
