dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize