So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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