his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want a musical about memes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
