You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
