i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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