I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
