Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
