So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
