is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
