trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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