Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
