i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
