My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
