Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
