i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize