mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
