We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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