is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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