I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
