So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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