Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
