I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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