oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
