he thought i was a dude.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
