i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize