I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We left the knife in your bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize