Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
