note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found a bag of teeth...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
