PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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