We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
