I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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