Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
