It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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