there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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