You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
