she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
