I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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